He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
