My hair reeks of homosexuality.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Randomize
