Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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