i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
