I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
