I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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