Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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