Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
