I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
