I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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