my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
