come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Randomize
