I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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