mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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