Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
