at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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