In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
