fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
