He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
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