You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
