Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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