he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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