would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
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