put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
