we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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