i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
she peed on how many people?
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
