these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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