My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
