i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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