yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
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