Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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