I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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