It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
