why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
