I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
and she was petting her beer can
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
