this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Randomize
