If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Randomize
