her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Randomize