Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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