I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
home. puking in laundry basket.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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