She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
