So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
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