My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
