After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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