dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
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