There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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