do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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