Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize