forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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