Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
