Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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