He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
