This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
