Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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