I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
