i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
