We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
