He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
