This dress was meant to end up on your floor
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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