my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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