I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Randomize
