It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
