So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
