You made me cry and you don't even care
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
