Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Randomize
