I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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