I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
