please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
my liver is dry heaving
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
