My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
