I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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