I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
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