ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
