so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
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